A Visitor to your Planet: A One-Minute Play

At Rise:    A man is doing something. An alien enters and watches him.

Alien:       Why are you doing that?

Man:        Needs doing.

Alien:       How do you know?

Man:        It’s my work.

Alien:       What is work?

Man:        What needs doing.

Alien:       I’m asking you.

Man:        I’m telling you.

Alien:       What is my work?

Man:        Asking questions.

Alien:       That is my work!

Man:        You’re good at your job.

                (Long pause)

Alien:       I am a visitor to your planet.

                (Long pause)

Man         Aren’t we all.

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A Writers' Social

The Scene: A bar.

The Players: Novelists, children's writers, academics, translators, journalists, biographers, and other assorted literary intellectuals.

*

"Hi! Nice to see you! Which way did you come?"

"Oh, it was bloody awful.  I drove down the [name of motorway] but there was so much traffic.  I guess because of the football... I didn't realise [name of team] were playing at home."

"I know, I know, it's awful.  The other day it took me hours to get into town.  They were digging the road, you know the one..."

*

"Did you find that wallpaper you were after?"

"Yes! But then when I tried a sample it didn't look right with the curtains.  You know my curtains with the lilies.  So I really don't know what to do now.  I'm losing my sleep over it."

*

"Where are you from?"

"–"

"Is your accent French?"

"–"

"What is it I hear?"

"I can't possibly tell you what it is you h–"

"Are you South African?"

"No, Armenian."

"Oh, how interesting! Armenian... that's like Sephardic, isn't it?"

"–"

"Or am I thinking Coptic? What is it I'm thinking?"

"I've absolutely no idea what you're –"

"Armenian... Is it like... It's on  the tip of my tongue..."

*

"It took me hours to find somewhere to park! [Name of city] is getting worse and worse!

"Where did you park, in the end?"

"You know the Arts Centre? Well, there's that street right on the side of it... What's it called? St-Something Lane..."

"Oh, yes.  You should try behind the cinema, next time.  I generally find a space there..."

*

"Will you have another?"

"Oooh, I shouldn't... Well, all right, I'll have another red.  A bit rough but it's alcohol, it does the trick.  Aren't you finishing your drink?"

"I don't like it."

"What is it, whisky? Are you going to just leave it? Such a waste.  Do you mind if I have it?"

*

"Oh, and you know, I saw him the other day.  His wife's left him."

"Oh, no! I hadn't heard..." 

"Just walked out.  To be honest, between you and me, I've always thought she was a bit difficult."

"We must ask him over for supper.  Poor thing.  He's having to fend for himself now so can't concentrate on his book."

"Oh, poor man."

*

"And I saw their daughter the other day – I don't think you've met her, have you?"

"No.  I knew they had a daughter." 

 "Nice girl but had a drug problem in her teens.  Her husband's got this promotion at work so they've bought this house in Yorkshire.  They're knocking down half the walls and rebuilding it."

*

"How's your back?"

"Still really bad.  Living on Ibuprofen."

"That's not very good for you."

"I know! Painkillers aren't good for you in general, are they? The GP's put me on this new painkiller.  Let's hope it works.  My neighbour says she was on it.  Apparently, it really helped except that she then got so addicted..."

"Have you considered acupuncture?"

"Oh, they say it's brilliant.  Yes, I must get around to it.  It's on my list but there's always so much to do, there just aren't enough hours in the day! You know what it's like... The other day, I had to drive into town to sort out my watch.  The battery died after only three months.  That took half the morning.  And then I had to rush to get a birthday present for..."

 

Scribe Doll

 

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I am Anchored in the River

 

I was born only a few short miles from the Father of Waters. The Mississippi River is a constant presence in my psyche and my memories; always changing, always flowing, never exactly the same. It scoured and flooded our history. It was a demarcation line – so wide that there was us and there was them. You could barely make out a figure on the opposite shore. Were they really there? There were so many stories.

 

   

It could be beautiful, or it could be fearsome. I remember joyful summer days on the deck of the huge excursion boat watching the shoreline and the city glide past. The big ship’s engines vibrated as it made its way through the strong current. The river's cliffs were made of red brick. Tow boats pushed barges up the river. There once were old warehouses that held cotton and furs – and a licorice factory. The old bridge made of granite and iron was built to last 1,000 years and it just might.

   

I lived as a boy near the confluence – where two great rivers flowed together. This is where Lewis and Clark, and a dog named Seaman, began the trip of discovery. This is where we ventured out, across the winter ice, to explore an island in the river. The island was big and wild, positioned where the Missouri River made a long, last bend toward its destiny. I remember the trees…massive trunks soaring skyward with piles of driftwood from ancient floods braced against their feet. There were Snakes.

   

Still later I lived in sight of the Missouri River, named after a local tribe… the People of the Big Canoes. This was near the farthest reach of French settlement in the old colonial days. The river stretched clear to the Rocky Mountains. Some of the river’s water comes from John Colter's Yellowstone and the old pathfinder was buried near here, on the south bank, not far from the edge of civilization in 1813. The sand glitters with promises of Colter's mountains: grains of Granite, Jasper, and Rosy Quartz.

   

Now I live on a hill sloping to the Rio Grande del Norte, called so by the early Spanish. The same river is called Rio Bravo in Mexico. My Keresan Pueblo Indian neighbors say “mets’ichi chena”, maybe the oldest name, meaning Big River – Rio Grande in  Spanish. The Rio Grande is a trickle by comparison to the rivers of my youth, but it is the lifeblood of the desert. Looking across the valley there is a broad forest of ancient cottonwoods following the river south toward the sea. We would not be here without the river.

   

The Navajo call the river “Tó Baʼáadi”, meaning Female River; the southward direction is given a female distinction among the Navajo. So, I have lived alongside the Female River as well as the Father of Waters. The current flows in my veins and I am anchored in the river.

   

 

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Flipping the Omelet

Very few people who have eaten my cooking realize that I am an expert cook. My topic today is flipping the omelet.

(Disclaimer: my omelets don't look like this)

Never flip an omelet from the center.

Always flip from the side.

If you are right-handed, flip from the left side.

If you are left-handed, flip from the right.

Never flip from out to in.

Flip in to out if you must.

Never flip from back to front or front to back.

It just confuses the omelet

Not to mention the cook.

These instructions apply to many areas of life, especially if butter is involved.

 

(From the archives)

 

 

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Latest Comments

Rosy Cole We Don't Say Goodbye
23 June 2018
Much deep wisdom here. Thank you!To be honest, I'd rather never say goodbye... No matter what plans ...
Stephen Evans We Don't Say Goodbye
15 June 2018
Sound advice Ken.
Ken Hartke We Don't Say Goodbye
13 June 2018
I may have posted this before -- I sometimes need to revisit it. I occasionally need to give myself ...
Katherine Gregor Rise
12 June 2018
I like it!
Katherine Gregor R. R. R.
12 June 2018
I hope you're right. Thank you for your comment.

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